Writing my thoughts were one thing and righting them was another. Sometimes I could not distinguish the two because writing them down always made them seem right. I admit, I didn’t always have good thoughts. My thoughts were always either about ambushing someone or finally making that decision about my boyfriend but deep down I knew the two were different. Writing my thoughts were words without actions and vocals but righting them involved action.
My thoughts were like the cherry on top of the numerous problems I had. I also was indecisive and I was driven by people’s lives. I know this is wrong but sometimes things like that are often hard to overcome. I wouldn’t be like other people and blame my foundation which involves my parents, I would take responsibility for whatever attitude or character I have emulated along the way because after all I am a grown woman and I can practically do whatever I want.
Apart from that problem, I also have the tendency to dive into negativity continually criticizing myself just because I lack that self-confidence. I must say, this was difficult to stop because the situation and the people around me were not helping matters but I still won’t allocate blame on them but I would only say they fueled the already existing situation. Negativity sure has a way of dragging people down and sometimes some people take their lives because of this but time like this we need that one person who is able to assure us that things like that pass with time.
Sometimes people feel that I come on too strong but it’s just a camouflage, an illusion to cover up the imperfection in me. It’s not like I want my life to be perfect because well let’s face it, no human can obtain perfection. I want my life to be better, to be something worth living for. Some people kill themselves because of the difficulty in their life, because of they feel like their life is not worth living for and so they find relief in death. It might be weird to admit but death gives this absolute relief, a relief that nothing else can give and a lot of people look forward to that absolute and eternal relief. It might be to people that death is desired because of the problems life has to offer but it is not only that, it is also natural to seek the relief that death has to give but killing yourself doesn’t do the trick, it has to come and you have to be ready for it, not pushed or forced to it.
I needed my problems gone because I was just a teenager, looking to have the best time of my life. I deeply needed to right my wrongs but it got harder. Therapy couldn’t do the trick and I also needed to change my mindset but that was also hard to come by. I soon discovered a friend, a man greater than any other, a genuine friend not a utility friend like Epicurus describes them. I found Jesus and He made it easy for me, He helped me in more ways than I could imagine. He made me realize that instead of trying hard to right my wrongs, I should make them have an entirely different effect on me because mistakes happen for a reason. He advised that I used my wrongs to make right.
So instead of writing my thoughts, I redefined it and instead wrote it in letters to God and sometimes I told it to him in my prayers. By righting them, I asked Him what to do and I did as he asked. My indecisiveness and my inability to live my life the way I want it and not according to others changed and soon I began to live my life the way he wanted me to. Doing this gave me self-confidence, it gave me a life worth living, I didn’t have to create an illusion anymore. I didn’t seek the relief of death and my life was close to perfection. Every day was one day to look forward to.
My name is Sophia Grace, I am 16 and I found Jesus and every new day puts a smile on my face and every day I make it my responsibility to put a smile on other people’s faces. I am Sophia Grace, I am proud to be a living being and I am happy to share my story.
P.S: All original content and written 2 years ago.
Thanks for stopping by