Hey blogfam. How are you guys doing? It feels like ages since I last posted and I miss you guys.
So last year, I decided to feature guest posts on my blog and I am excited to continue with that.
This guet post will be the first this hear, so let’s embrace it with a new and open heart.
I was deeply touched after I read this and I felt the need to share. So without wasting more time, here is the post by
Since we are born we are associated with a bunch of people, called family. It’s because we share the same genes and surnames. Its very calming to know there are people you think would hold you for your good and bad.
But as I started growing up I began debating what a family really was.
Till my early teens, I used to think my parents and my siblings were supposed to be my family, why? Because we were blood, right?
But this definition of family broke when I became a teenager. When I started drifting in my self pity, insecurities and stress; when I was so in desperate need of someone to just hold me and tell me that it was all fine, everything would be good in the end; when I was actually trying so hard to prove myself, just because I thought I wasn’t good enough because I was too goody two shoe; because my brother, inspite of being a mess was my parent’s favourite and I was trying too hard not to add to their mess.
I stopped being a child, at the age where I wasn’t even supposed to know what being mature meant.
I didn’t embrace my inner child, I brutually murdered it just because I wanted to impress people who were supposed to be my family.
Family is supposed to tell you that you are good the way you are, that you are pretty, you are talented and loved, but all I ever heard was how much of an embarassment I was, how I should lose weight to look beautiful, that no one would marry me. Can you imagine, what telling a 15 year old that no one would want them does?
So, what did I do?
I built a mask, I was the happiest, bubbliest, and the most lively person for everyone. Inside? I was dying.
When I thought things couldn’t be worse, I got a wake up call saying, ‘this is life and it’s going to suck even more so buckle up bitch’.
Things got rough. My brother got in bad company, and then it was like a drama movie script.
Every day there used to be fights,arguments and curses thrown and eachother. And me? I was stuck in between, not knowing what I could do to make it all go away.
I used to wish I was that character of a movie who would just go in midst of this mess and shout, and everything would be fine afterwards.
Then they will realize how wrong this was and we would have our happy ever after.
You have no idea how it feels to just watch and sit in the corner during this mess,I felt worthless. I blamed me for everything. Because that is what the smallest one does when they don’t know how to turn a bad situation to good.
Then I just became more guarded. Outside, I was inviting and happy, but inside I was alone.
I didn’t open up then,that’s why I can’t open up now. Everytime situations get messy I use my silence outside, and inside I scream for it to end.
Family isn’t supposed to blame you for their misfortune and bad times, so why did my own blood blame me?
Everytime they used to fight, I became the perfect punching bag for their post anger. No, they never beat me physically, but mentally they bruised me.
Is this what family does?
I never saw my friends family like this. They were loving,caring, and encouraging, nothing like mine.
I used to be so jealous of my best friend when she used to come from school and her mom would just ask her about her day,what she did? What she learnt?
I was so jealous, because I never had anyone asking how my day was.
God,I was so stupid back then who thought maybe it was because I wasn’t worth the affection. That maybe its me who doesn’t fit in their family that’s why I was treated that way.
Can you imagine how it felt when at the age of 16 I realize I don’t have a place you called home?
Its devastating when you realize you are born wrong, at a wrong place with the wrong people; people who are supposed to love you but end up loathing you instead.
So what is a family?
It took a few years for me to let my guard down for a few of my friends to have a peek at at my vulnerability.
I was afraid to be judged and pitied. I was afraid they would also think I was illusional just like my blood thought.
But they embraced me, both gokd and bad. The embraced mh tantrums, moods and even my craziness.
They never said I was just a burden, that I was a responsibility. They embraced me open heartedly, without any questions and demands. I was just me. And it felt damn great!
But who were these people? Why did they accept me for me when my blood couldn’t even understand me?
I thought, just as family was supposed to love you, friends were also supposed to love you. But as I grew, I realzed they weren’t just my friends, they are my family.
It doesn’t matter if we don’t share the same blood, im O+ I could help them in time of need.
It didn’t matter that we didn’t share the same DNA, who cares? DNA is overrated anyway.
What matters is that they love me for me. That my existence means something to them. That my achievements are a subject of pride for them. That even if I fall they do take a step to make me stand back, after making fun of course. They also tease me, taunt me, but it doesn’t feel judgemental. Its out of love. I don’t have to constantly please them.
What matters is that even my vulnerability is appreciated. Now this is how I know what a family is.
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